Aden's ana journal

I'm going on an amazing vacation this summer, and I need to be skinny to enjoy it. Being fat like this is literally going to ruin every aspect of it- including all the good times I'll have with my fiancé. I failed january, but I refuse to fail the rest of february and the rest of the school term. I'm just gonna be holding myself accountable in this thread. I'll update my stats, intake, diet plan, workout plan, etc...

I hope you guys will support me and help, and i'll do the same!!

So here's my info

Age: 18
Height: 5'5" (65 in)
HW: 192 lbs (87 kg)
CW: 186 lbs (84 kg)
GW1: 175 lbs (79 kg)
GW2: 168 lbs (76 kg)
GW3: 158 lbs (71 kg)
GW4: 148 lbs (67 kg)
GW5: 138 lbs (62 kg)
GW6: 128 lbs (58 kg)
GW7: 118 lbs (53 kg)
UGW: 110 lbs (49 kg)

2/16/17

I hate myself. I ate almost 2,300 calories today, and only 800 of them were an actual meal (subway footlong with a drink). The rest was FOUR packets of trail mix (those single packs), and almost 8 mini snickers. I can't believe myself.
I say I want to be skinny, then I go and do crap like this. I can't even fast anymore. I've lost so much of my self control- actually, I've lost all of it.
I'm fat, ugly, heavy. I don't deserve food.

I don't understand why. I mean, if I'd had 1200 calories, I could at least excuse myself, but this is a full on binge- of nothing! empty calories!

Angry at myself. Didn't even purge. I have so much homework this weekend, so I'm just gonna focus on getting through it, then I'll fast all weekend.

2/18/17

So I didn't eat horribly today, but I didn't do well either. This flu is killing me, can't even workout. I weighed in at 188 this morning.

I haven't taken lax in a week or two and am wondering if I should take some...

I haven't been able to post in a while! my computer hasn't let me log on here for some reason.
I've been a failure. Haven't stuck to any of my promises.
I broke down crying because of how much I hated my body while showering yesterday.

I swear if I stay like this, I won't be skinny by July. I'll be just as fat as I am now, and I'll have to deal with all the crap people are gonna give me, especially my parents. I won't be happy in my own skin. All so I can keep stuffing my mouth.

I don't want to eat today. It's 10:14 am. I had breakfast (about 400 cals I estimate) and that's all I wanna have today. My cal limit intake is 1000/1200, but I need to be strict with myself this week to make up for last week. I just need to focus on studying for my exam thursday and workout 4 times.

I hate that I get hungry. I wish I didn't like food. I wish I was one of those people who's so picky with food and doesn't get hungry fast.

Not counting calories didn't work for me, so I'm back to restricting 1000>. I'm starting the Jillian Michael's 30DS today.
I have 3 months to lose about 30 lbs.
Gotta stay in focus.

I'm back. I honestly forget to update this blog.

I need to send my body into SOS mode. My bridal shower is May 20, and school ends in a month. I won't take any $$ with me to school in order to not be able to buy any food. I'll take tea with me from home, and whatever I'll eat that day. I've been doing much better with working out, but no where near enough or close enough in regards to my intake. My eating habits literally suck.

I forget what's important. I forget that being skinny is what's important. I wrote this thing the other day:

Beautiful is to be smaller. Beautiful is to be delicate, so breakable. Beautiful is skinny arms and a flat stomach. Beautiful is a waist so small. Beautiful is collarbones decorating a necklace. Beautiful is thighs that don't touch and calves that don't rub. Beautiful is perfect.